Lil'Jay Wonders

Fatigue...

2006-01-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

im really tired... really tired...
nothing stays in my mind. studies, training, working... all become blank to me... i feel like a zombie... drinking my life away...
this is not wat i am.... i aint no drunkard, aint no coward... february i will be fighting again, this time i might meet nicholas, and it's not gonna be easy for a young man fighting someone from the world championship fighters...
worse, my left knee had juz officially gave way. the soft tissues are damaged. now i cant even squat properly. climbing stairs become a chore. i cant really train as hard.
i duno why, bad things owez happen to me, simultaneously... i got no time to recover from each crisis and yet the nxt disaster comes. 1st is relationship, den come money, den studies, now i got injuries and oso warning letter from sch... wats wrong man... i really need someone to lean on... i need to rest... to sleep... for a long time... can someone lend me ur shoulder...

Marathon

2006-01-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

Finally i have the access to the computer to use blogger.
recording down important experience.

on the 5th of january 2006, Dr william tan came to TP for a hand cycling record breaking event. so students are also going to break the standard chartered longest distance travelled in 24 hours.
and me? lil'jay, lil guy in black singlet and black pants with 2 water bottles in hand, ran a total of 111 laps. which is 44.4km, taking 4 times back on the tracks to hit the never hit before persona; record.
seriously speaking, i duno wats a marathon like.... yet, it was really tough after i tried it myself.

1st run, 44 laps, 17.6km. it was around 9pm when i stopped. my legs are cramping up and i can feel the muscle at my left foot so painful. i was hungry so i stopped, and took a break to eat alil bit.
2nd run, i was tired, but looking at the people running, i forced myself to run somemore...
16 laps, another 6.4km. i was out to complete the 60 laps... im a killer.
-sleep in the clubroom till 9am-
had a little bread for breakfast and my legs cant really carry my weight anymore
3rd run, i managed to limb my way to the stadium and tell myself i will run with the year 1s...
muscle pain was killing me... but i endured the 33 laps of pain.... a total of 13.2km
-weilun used a cargo trolley to push me to the design school to bathe and have lunch. it was funny... pushed back to the clubroom and rahayu used a needle and tissues to get the blood in my blister out. disgusting-
after 2 hours of sleep, wei lun blasted techno into my ears and i was up and trying to get ready for the 4th run...
4th run, i really is creeping and strolling my way to the stadium become the pain is so unbearable already.
8laps was my target, but i ended up with 18laps. 9.6km distance.
in total, i ran 4 times to hit 44.4km... really nice number yea? lolx....
it was endurance, determination and perserverence that i had learnt....
Determination is when everyone else is calling you SIAO when you are still keen on running
Endurance is when fatigue fills your body
Perserverence is when pain is the first and last thing you feel every second.

i am a good sportsman... but sometimes, i really wish i was just as good and lucky as a man, a lover...
honestly, i know i had drifted apart from her... and i had chosed not to purposely get closer to her... maybe im not that tough enuff to endure it... maybe, i should be doing proper stuffs instead of drowning myself in pain and thoughts and everything that's making me crazy from loving her.... i know i was utterly distracted by my feelings for her....
it's so unfair... so sudden... so unbearable...
why must it be when i fall out of love the 3rd time... and when i could seriously feel nothing for anyone else, i could feel for her... when i dun wish to meet anyone new and yet i fell for someone i met so recent... and yet, she doesnt feel the same way. She... whom i really wish i could love her like nothing before.... life is really hard... like a marathon... on the track, i went pass many people and met many people... yet, none was able to be alongside with me... not even the one i was willing to stop and slow down for.... really really miss her... yet, im not a couragous person...
haix....

Air Supply - Good Bye
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
all you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say good-bye

Birthday

2005-12-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me~ Happy birthday to me~ Happy birthday to me~ Happy birthday Lil'Jay~

haha... My birthday this year is a change man... 18th birthday, finally i had a little bit of celebration. My poly friends accompany me to sentosa for a day at the beach~ i had real great fun because my dear Samuel brought along his Cabernet Merlot for me! lolx... 1st time i try drinking red wine on the beach~ the feeling is great man! lolx... real nice! sun tanning at the same time drunk on the beach... wahahaha... alittle bit centre of attraction though, the girls beside us is looking at me, the guy with wine. lolx.

though it was disappointing that it rained around 3 plus pm... so we decided to pack up and leave. ended up at harbourfront ShiLin to have a lil snacks. haha...

Soon, we headed for marina bay! lolx...we meet up with marcus, joanne and iris came along. we had a buffet dinner at Zhen Fa seafood~ Lobster taller than Young girl! wahahaha...
to the member of the floor's surprise, the live crabs didnt not survive my teeth. i had a mountain of shells on my side at the end of the dinner... lolx...
Then came the best part, after washing up my hands, the Birthday Cake was out! lolx....
i think, in my memory, the last time i had a birthday cake was like duno how long ago... mayb i wasnt even sensible to my surrounding at all. THEN THIS YEAR I HAD CAKE! finally, i have friends singing birthday songs for me in front of the birthday cake, i've been waiting so long for such. so happy, so touched... thanks people....
after the cake, we headed home, i went back to tampines to meet hao and gang. it was 1148 when i reached. so, we joked that i only had 12 mins to finish the cake.. CAKE AGAIN! 2 cakes! lolx... so happy! so excited! to think that i suddenly have 2 cakes on my birthday. so 2 SONGS! woohoo~ really had a great time enjoying the warmth of birthday. so, we the gang ate the birthday cake the traditional way. no plates, no need to cut. juz take the fork to dig out ur share and eat! wahahaha...

it's been real nice to celebrate this 18th birthday... at least it made me happy.
actually, truthfully speaking, from 12oomidnight 29th dec... i've been receiving well wishes from many friends. all the way till morning, i still receiving a few. to sentosa to marina bay i also got receive sms... but then, since the start, i was really hoping and praying that K would oso rmb my birthday and sms me... but then, to my great disappointment... no, she didnt... i hope it's because she's busy... otherwise, it would means she dun even rmb, dun even know....
frankly speaking i do feel alittle sting and pain at the end of the day... because she wasnt aware...
even when sleeping and dreaming, i was still hoping she was with me at the beach or the dinner and have fun with me... how i wish i could have her part of my birthday... but then, she didn't even rmb i guess...
i didnt wanna sms her at all, cuz i was wondering if she would know it's my birthday...
though i wished she was there, i didn't wan, didn't dare to ask her... cuz i know, she might not even reply my sms... as usual....

ANYWAY! my birthday over liao! i can buy alcohol liao! lolx... song ar~ new year coming! so, happy new year to me too~ =)

Knock out...

2005-12-21T09:52:00.000+08:00

The complete knock out~
for the past 2 days, i was knocked out... merely wanna give a little treat to me bro and myself so i ordered large oishi pizza on monday night after my long run to pasir ris beach
i guess i had too much to eat... by the time im going to bed, i realised my gastric was very painful, i cud see my stomach bloating out...
by midnight, the pain was unbearable... i woke up and vomitted twice...
my mum saw me... =p
so i kinda ate some pills and massaged my legs to easen the pain in the stomach... but then, throughout the night, i was constantly waking up to vomit... when dawn breaks, i suddenly feel a push and ran out into the toilet to vomit 3 times... actually, i counted, throughout, i vomitted 7 times... all are pizzas... lolx....
the next day,
the world were spinning, i feel so weak in the legs and body was aching... i dragged myself to school for my exams... morning's paper over, i went to my clubroom to sleep all the way til afternoon for the 2nd paper... it was really a torture... my gastric was still painful....
after the 2nd paper, i went home... mum wants me to go to the doctor, so i obliged... the doctor oso very funny, he touched my neck and say, "no la i dun tink got fever" but when he puts the thermometer, he got shocked when it says 38.4 degree! i myself oso kena scared..

so i got at least 5 or 6 packs of medicine home with me.... choked on pills....

after that, i was bed ridden for the rest of the night...
for the whole day, when im semi consious in the clubroom and at night on the bed, i had been thinking alot....
how i wish there was someone i love by my side right now... wishing that someone cud care for me... then at least i wont feel so bad... drowned in the pain and semi consiousness, i cud oni feel nothing... yet my mind wasnt worried about the papers im supposed to take the next day... instead my mind was filled with her images... how i wish...
but then, even if she knows, would she care? im oso unsure.... for i know i dun really have a place in her heart.... im juz a passerby.... i guess she will never get to know that she already had a place in me... somehow...

but then still.... i muz get well la~ if not how i train hard for the run on the 5th of jan.... somemore festivals coming, i dun wanna be restricted to all that food and wines man~ lolx...

Women...

2005-12-16T08:24:00.000+08:00

Women are meant to Love not understood?
Women are meant to be Understood?
I reckon,
Be it which ever way, i don't have a agenda for it.
Am a professional fighter soon, yet i've always remained as a Amatuer in love...
be it understanding, or loving, i don't really need to do em separately...
All i know is, in my case, the latter came to me first, and i hope the former won't play difficult on me then...
=)

Truthfully speaking,
now's the period i hate most... December... so much festives, so much fun, yet not for me...
x'mas, birthday, new year... i've never really know their fun in them...
i just recieved a online newsletter saying there's x'mas parade going around singapore heartlands... designed lightings and all that... yet, i'm thinking to myself... i don't think i have anyone to go with, just like in the past... this year, i reckon no change...

The crushing of bones and muscles
in the cruel ring of rumble
This is music to the ears of a fighter
a song that emerge the stronger

In the ring, he stands like a stronghold
in life, he was never too bold
in love, he is still a amatuer lie low
indeed, no man wil understand his heart's cold

Blood, sweat and cracks were all the painful aches
the stings in the head is what he really hates
Yet he found a new pain that no other can inflict on him
when God made that someone so near yet so far to him

Standing still, punching his way through
even when the tearing pain in the leg was for real
Mum made this man, so strong in the mind
God trained this man, to be fit and fighting high

Yet, no one knew something is missing
the man doesn't have a strong heart
In fact, what he needs is yet not complete
emptiness soon grows with no boundaries

Yum

2005-12-13T09:24:00.000+08:00

Efforts wasted money saved?
Is this a prank by God or what?
Nov's work load was so heavy, for one aim, save money, for a goal, which is to bring her to a real nice fine dine dinner... in the end, nov's work wasted... she wasn't quite free on her birthday... so... didn't get to bring her there... efforts gone~ money not gone yet... so... let me think of what i can do.... Paint my room!
Red? purple? blue?
last night i at a inspiration...
Dark blue with a red flower painting... and im going to do some artistic work! lolx... excited sia...

Fight

2005-12-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

5th All Style Martial Arts

Match 1,
Lil'Jay meet mysterious opponent... just when i strain my eyes across the ring, i realise my opponent was Nicholas's friend. Strong punch, very strong... that's what i remembered.
Til today, i met him, fought him, exchanged some great deal of punches, then suddenly a left high kick swings up and hit him on the face, the next moment he was on the ground.
Courageously he stood up and continued. Just when the punches are exchanging again, i throw a low kick to his thigh, shit! i hit his kneecap and my shin was numb.
Lil'Jay wins, after the fight, i realise my shin was swollen

Interval,
Watching Louis fight, i was trying rub off the swell on my shin, hoping the pain will go off soon..
then Yan ren got me a pack of ice, kinda helped alittle...
soon... Match 2...

Match 2,
Lil'Jay reunites with Desmond, Rebecca's lil bro...
fought him once at the selection match, then he go fight in Asian cup while i watch... today i meet him again. before i go up, i didnt intend to win, cause i know my shin wont make it.... but, i manange to live up to "The Real Opponent is Yourself"
upon that thought, fight is the next thing on mind. win or lose doesn't matter anymore...
i stood there, boxing my way in, while he exchanges back with both kicks and punches... 4 limbs to 2 limbs... hahaha.....
Lil'jay lost, with pride!

2 years later, i'll be back for the all style martial arts again....

Poem me

2005-12-07T07:50:00.000+08:00

Stranger walking this endless path
though there will always be someone who walks pass
it's only up to you yourselves to grab hard
the one that really makes ur heart feel touched.

Life is a very short route
strangers should not be strangers anymore
Life is too short to live alone
strangers should have a stranger to call their own

Just when some will think the chapter in the the bible were fiction
where woman were made from a man's ribs
You'll never believe it until you feel the pain in action
you'll believe it when you know that stranger made your pain cease

It hard to find that stranger whom you love and loves you too
some routes are just so uncertain for two
but strangers should rather love and lost
then to let go of the chance and never love at all

U would nvr know the pain...

2005-12-05T14:36:00.000+08:00

so much for the 1 week of painful effort... juz a difficult yet simply gesture to tell her i miss her... in the end, it was exchanged with guilt and pain. i'm gonna shut my mouth for good then. when she ran off juz like that, a thousand of question marks pop out from no where.... and a sudden sensation of pain struck deep into my chest... I'M SO CONFUSED, YET I CAN'T CLARIFY MY DOUBTS. so? i can only bear the pain of guilts and keep shut. hate myself for being so concerned, hate it when i'm being too caring and worried.... hate myself....
a bad night sleep, a worse experience, the worst is my exam tonight... i can't concentrate at all...
stress from school, stress from work, stress from training, stress for my fight, stress from last night's incident! I NEED A BREAK!

David Tao; I Love You,
it's playing now.

ya? is that the words i wanna say? ya it is... what izzit called? love? huh? might be, must be.... what izzit? i duno...

of all the bad things that happened, one thing is good...
a pair of siblings i made friends with last night... folded a pair of hearts for them, and told them to stay loving as siblings... to take care of each other and bear each other in mind. glad that i've taught them some good things.... *smilez*

Growing old with you

2005-11-30T16:40:00.000+08:00

Growing old with you

I wanna make you smile
whenever you are sad
carry you around when your arthritis is bad
all i wanna do, is to grow old with you
i'll get your medicine
when your tummy aches
build you a fire when the furnace breaks
it could be so nice, growing old with you
i'll miss you
kiss you
give you my coat when you are cold
i'll need you
feed you
even let you hold the remote control
so let me do the dishes
in our kitchen sink
put you to bed when you had too much to drink
i could be the man
to grow old with you
i wanna grow old with you...

what a nice song ya... so sweet...

Missing somebody can be so hard to shake away when she is always on my mind...

Bloody Spagetti

2005-11-28T08:53:00.001+08:00

What the hell, yesterday i merely wanna learn how to cook spaghetti carbonara so that i cook for K next time, in the end? i near lose my whole finger nail...
just starting into the process, i was dicing up the onions, suddenly i feel a hard cut, then i realised a portion of my fingernail is gone, blood took it's own sweet time to flow out and slowly i feel the pain(ouch)...
til now, i don't even dare to touch my wound, not even wiping the dry blood stain on the surrounding... scared of pain... lolx...
so how? in the end i have Chef Danny Gay to help me finish the cookinh while explaining the steps... i hope i can remember everything though.. hahaha... must try on my own next time~

*^`~-.,_Missing You_,.-~`^*

Jay The Chef

2005-11-26T08:57:00.000+08:00

haha... i guess it's time i read up the instruction manual for my blender, i should be able to see "Please Cover Top Before Blending"
man... if i scald other parts of my body, i don't mind, instead, yesterday when i was cooking mushroom soup, i scald my forehead! so pain~ got wound somemore...
eh? mushroom soup? did i just mentioned mushroom soup? yea~ yesterday i bought 3 types of mushroom and cooked the cream of mushroom for K and her family. after a series of cutting my finger and burning my face, the soup is finally ready. felt glad when her sis and mum likes it, but i don't know about K though. don't know whether she likes it anot, cause she never drink in front of me, she was too full, and she told me she don't really like soups and mushroom, so zhun... haha...

anyway, today she will be leaving for Vietnam on a holiday~ lolx, sounds fun! I think Vietnam will have alot of great food~(i juz had breakfast now im hungry again)
Hanoi, that's the city they are going, though i don't know where is it... wahahaha....
but then, K is still recovering from flu, and cough too, so i thought i could do something for her...
guess what, i wake up early in the morning when the sun is not up yet, to brew herbal tea!
erm, first time brewing though...
i'm kinda scared now seriously, for sure i know she won't like the taste (no one's a weirdo like me) so i'm afraid she won't wanna drink it ya.... i'm thinking of getting a pack of sweet to let her drink with the tea, on the plane... let's hope later at the airport she would take it with her (extra weightage :p) I'll pray that the tea would slightly make her flu and cough better, GO ABROAD FIT AND COME BACK SICK IS OK, DON'T GO ABROAD SICK AND COME BACK A FREAK

-After i reached home in the afternoon-
Phew, lucky she likes the tea, if not my whole morning of efforts wasted already.
I was having lunch with her and her family at Popeyes... after that, they go check in and went to the supermarket to buy some stuffs for the flight. Then after that, they went in le... so i head home, thinking i could go play soccer, who knows, it rained so heavily... God, do you need to be so mean... end up i'm sleeping all the evening away, from 4.30pm all the way til 7.30pm, i was sleeping and playing 3 songs repeatedly none stop. haha...
never knew the process of missing a person can start so fast... -_-
it's late, tomorrow will be the start of my coach course... good luck lil'jay

_,.-*^-> A man who lacks jugdement derides his neigbour<-^*-.,_

The Heartaching Sleep...

2005-11-25T07:33:00.000+08:00

it was last night when i told her my wonders. and yeah, i got my wonders answered too.
1st wonder of mine i told her,
was my wonder of how she felt of me.
although she sounds positive, but, till then i know of her "policy"
2nd wonder of mine i told her,
was my wonder of her wonder
and i told her not to think why i like her, because i seriously got no reason. she didn't quite agreed but, when i tried thinking of a reason, i realised, the only would be her life, if ever i can say the words "i love you" i would add on and say "i love you for you are you"

it was then long past midnight and i know i only have 4 hours left to sleep. she was tired, so we hang up the phone.
then, i thought of her "policy"
i was technically asleep, but my mind didnt stop working and my heart didnt stop aching.
soon, it was dawn...

sincerity had be my policy,
since the start of this story,
i wish one day i can change your policy,
for my love states no boundaries.

i didn't say i love you
for love shouldn't be taken lightly
neither are you
your truthful words are appreciated
i guessed i'm not the unlucky one
for i'm lucky enought to know you already
the rain may stop falling
the leaves may start withering
but you must know something
my feelings hasn't been changing
instead it's growing.

words can't describe the feelings i'm having now...
pointless to write on...

Let me be your butterfly...

2005-11-23T18:14:00.000+08:00

One lady in my life asked me this question:"what do you ask for in life?"

my answer to her?
"i can't ask to be a champion, for i have to fight for it.
i can't ask to be wealthy, for i have to work for it.
i can't ask for a life, for i'm already living it.
if ever i could ask for something, i would ask not let you be a passer by in my life, neither am i to you"

yet, i left out the last part of my answer.
"i would even want to ask you, to let me be your butterfly..."

My neck is breaking soon... did a back flip and land head first on the floor... swollen... pain and painful...

Weird...

2005-11-22T09:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,
1st good deed encounter, met a white collar worker in the train and saw his organiser's pen is out of inks, so i lent him mine, not intending to take it back. he was smiling.

2nd useful encounter, went to coach clinic to learn the new pattern, yi zhi mei. very nice but difficult... the weather was supposed to be cool, but training that pattern make me feel warm but i wasn't sweating much...

3rd disgusting encounter, met 2 AH GUA UNCLEs in the train. wat the hell... one of them speaks even more feminine than a girl. disgusting... feel like whacking them when they were talking so loudly in the train. inconsiderate...

4th heart-shocking encounter, that somebody, kena cold when she go jogging in the night... when she sms me and told me that, i was wondering... hmmm, what can i do leh? my 1st intention was to get something for her to heat up her body then i thought...everytime i myself drink ginger tea, i will flood my shirt. so? i bought ginger tea, stupid foodcourt doesnt sell them, make me run 4 kopitiam to find, market still the best! lolx... but then, drinking tea only like not complete, so, next thing that pop up in my mind is...PORTUGESE EGGTART! my favourite leh! duno about her la... $1.20/pc, i myself don't even bear to spend the money to my own comsumption.
So? at 8 closing 9pm, i have my tea packet and 2 eggtart in hand, and 2 swift legs sprinting to her block. there i go again, flooding my shirt with sweat when i reached, cause i can't find the place~ so... clip the packet, sms her and boom, i'm gone, (1 storey below) waiting for her to take the packet then go?
in the end? she called me... i want drinki water, very thirsty, save money so she wants to bring me water. ok lor... but then? i end up talking to her mum n sis... pengz... but yea~ her mum super cute.... very Ci Xiang... lolx... after that? guess what... of cuz i faster go home la, so late liao stay there buey pai seh meh...
lolx...
end of the day, go home hungry like a demon.... so? eat whateva i can find lor, kuehs, kit kats and herbal jelly...no need spend money ma... wahahaha....

Confession...

2005-11-16T08:37:00.000+08:00

yea, i really mean confession... i've confessed to her, that i like her. though i feel that it's selfish of me to do that when she is still having exams... but... i did it... hope i won't affect her for the papers anyway.
somehow, i told her, i like her... and alot.. but during the talk on the phone, she sounds so calm.. haha...
actually, deep inside i know what i want; to have her by my side, but reality is cruel, in real, i don't what i want... a fast relationship will indeed end fast, but i really don't wish to let her disappear from my life, for she is one of the few who had brought smiles and warmth to me... so rare... so unique... a precious her...
it's true that i don't know her well enough, that's why if i rush myself into getting what i want would be foolish, for it won't last... often i will start thinking... do i ever had a place in her heart? will she ever fall for me... foolish me....
fortunately or unfortunately, my life is predominated by music....
songs that could describe my feelings often ring in my mind and soon, they become my favourite.
sometimes i wonder, if these songs are meant for me by fate. describing my life like so real... too real...
Now, everyday i live with a empty heart... for that space was meant for her, one day... before i fall for her, i feel like a zombie, working training and fighting my life away...
after soon when she starts coming in my life, the zombie wakes up already... and all he wants is to have a complete heart.
Once, i came across this story,
It was said that after God created man, He found that man is such a lonely person on Earth. So one day, while man is sleeping, God took out one of his bones from his chest, and created woman.
Every man in life are always looking for that rightful woman, who belongs to his heart. Only when he found that bone, then will his aching pain in the heart stops...
Now i'm really feeling the pain...

Virtual Romance...

2005-11-09T19:36:00.000+08:00

Now now... tell me this... is this fate, or just a coincidence... hmm...

it's been a month, since we know each other. just a normal friend i thought....

time had past, real fast.... suddenly i find myself tempted to send her a message everyday... just to hope for her reply each time, sometimes, i even wish she is the one sending me the message first. so what do i call this? i don't know.

then now what, my favourite singer Jay came out with a new song. Lang man shou ji, talking about love and handphones and all that stuff. what? motivating me towards this person. i don't know... this is too unlogical for me. never thought the feelings can grow so freely just by words everyday. is this good or bad? well.... give me time and i will find out... sometimes, i do picture her by my side... weird huh?
i'm gonna get back to my own question... "can lil'jay love again?"

times flies...
Muaythai against drugs is over, a winner had emerged.

next, i'm gonna train harder for i'm upgrading myself to the Professional fights. next year, wait for me... end of feburary, i'm definitely gonna fight...
dream come true...

Jurong Point Shopping Centre

2005-10-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

Yea, last sunday i had a match at jurong point shopping centre... it was a san da match, which is chinese kickboxing...
i fought a guy from SKD... same weight as me, but taller den me... shld be around 170cm ba... hahaha

although i won over him, 2 rounds all black... im the black side...
lolx....
but one thing is that, my strength is still not coming out yet... though main i won over him thru technique, the destruction level is still not there yet... so means, i must train harder!
according to my fellow fighter's girl, and my own views, my opponent nearly knocked out.. wasted... hahaha

Survivor Camp 2005

2005-09-22T14:07:00.000+08:00

Haix... i am finally back from the survivor camp... though im supposed to be happy that it ended... but, im rather sad...
the main comm, although worked very hard at it... everyone gave their best efforts... but i still see alot of mistakes committed by them and they don't realise it.
people thinks that i am bossy, well, i definitely admit it... but when i show appreciation, they don't rmb it... they talk about me being bossy, but what can i do? what do they expect? i still dont' know... maybe what they need is a gentle and caring organiser to tell them to relax all the time? cuz, i see little discipline in them...
michell, hurts me the most i muz say...
talking about me one man show all that stuffs.... what they don't know is the problems.
the main committees have alot of views, but they don't have solutions..... You Kan Fa, Mei Ban Fa
i one man show, is painful also.................... commandant, emcee, errand boy, cameraman, part time logistics, construction worker, program comm, minister of manpower.... all i do... and all the blame i get.......
joanne blame me for the game suck.... who is the program comm.... no one realise......
i get complains from those who came for meeting regularly about not sure of the program....

joanne can even say about getting stressed about not setting up the game station....
who realised that the organiser himself is handling all the stress from the fact that, his master key and car key is lost....NONE of the main comm realise that, instead is the sub comm who cared the most....

when the 4 person go thai lecture.... i got more than 8 positions to hold.... still got people1 telling me they are stressed. my foot.... game stations not set up..... who should be responsible? yet, i kena blame again.... PAPER AND PEN not at the stations... i kena blame again.... how long does it take to run to get the papers and pen? if i can run all around the campus to get the puzzle spread and ball to joanne's stations in less than 10 minutes... why cant anyone run oso?

i bossy, becuz i want to get the instructions over.... the 4 mentors dun wanna listen, nvm! got better alternatives, I LIKE! but they don't realise the importance of getting report back to the organiser. they wanna do things by themselves and not realising the great mistakes they are committing.... if they are the organisers, and their subordinates are not reporting their actions, they will die... juz like me....

mentors nvr report to me, the greatest consequences is the delay wif the campfire itself.....

i can only say.... the person who sweated the most.... is samuel, justin and weilun....

haix....

Shower me With your Love.

2005-07-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

What's Wrong?

2005-04-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

today wen i went back to office... suddenly my nose bleed... i duno why sia...
i nvr knock, nvr touch, nvr do anything den it suddenly bleed...
so scared...
the blood was so much that when i sniff back, it went to my throat and came out from my mouth... i cud feel the blood everywhere in the oesophagus...
am i seriously ill?
haix...

Life...

2005-03-28T15:11:00.000+08:00

omg... u noe waT? it's been a long long time since i last update my blog...
today is the 1st day of my holiday.... officially titled as Unemployed...
haix... duno where to start getting a job...
anyway, holiday im gonna train real hard this time... not gonna waste much time procrastinating...
hahaha....
yday was a funni day... i brought 7 ppl to me training, looks like some big event... hahaha...
before tat when i was at the mrt control station waiting for the people, a guy doing a survey for christianity went up to me to do a survey....
oh man, i noe mayb i had been sinful to say things liddat... but, it's my belief so i dun wish to lie to anyone else including myself....
to be truth, i dun believe in religions... i oni noe that wat is the most important is to understand the virtues and integrity taught by all the religions...
human live for themselves... not for something that doesn't seems to exist...God exist in the heart, not in stories and books...
haiyo...
Life...

Choir CHoral...

2005-02-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

today i went back to ESC... cuz that time wen i went to visit the teachers, i met Mz Tey and she told me the choir is in pretty bad shape...
so me george and zhi xiang went down to today to sort of give abit of encouragements and even end up wif a lecture...
the problem wif me is that sometimes i can get very agitated easily during a speech or something of that...
so today, in front of the choir, i spoke to them... i told them about their mistakes... i told them where they stand compared to the other ccas and other schools...
when we sat there and observed, i realised they are worse den we expected...
haix... things are really going from bad to worse... i dun wanna c the choir being closed down either...
during the midst of the speech i nearly cried... i bear with it though... cuz my small bro there... lolx..
after the talk, i called for a committee meeting...
in fact, i scolded some of them... sherman, chay hwee, gina, mei ting... i noe i really pissed them off.... but i supposed oni sherman n mei ting might understand abit of my intentions... haix... scold is scold, but i scolding for a reason mah... cant they understand the torment that mz tey is going through?
when i saw mz tey she reminds me of the patient suffering from diabetes or something liddat... lol...
she' s the most ke lian...
yet, i really really hope i can make a change in the mindset of the choir... haix...

Choir CHoral...

2005-02-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

Love's not a Game

2005-01-19T21:41:00.000+08:00

If Love is a Game, then, people Love for Fun?
When they are loving for Fun, then they are never Serious. isn't it?
It's not because Life complicates us, but it's people who thought Life is complicating who are complicating Life.
Love had never been a Many Multi Player Game. It is not about choices either.
Humans are not Players in Love. They are like Blinds, who feel the surrounding, not with their limbs but with their hearts. When 2 hearts feel each other, Love sparkles.
It is only those who were not sincere enough to feel with hearts, thought that all these are only a part of the Game. See yourself as a player and you are. See yourself as a Lover and you will be.
When you feel with your hearts, you can't choose. Only fate can decide for you. But when destiny becomes an obstacle, then, it is only the true hearts that will let fate take its course.

Should i?

2005-01-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

hmm... recently i get to know this gal call Y. i oni get to noe her for abt 2 to 3 weeks... den oni c her twice nia... but duno y, i got that kind of feelings which i dun have for a long time liao..
whenever we sms, i got the feelings my heart's gonna pump out liddat... scary...
i duno leh~ noe each other oni for so short period of time how can confirm anyting de... very risky wor... lolx...
sometimes i hope is that feelings, sometimes i hope it's not gonna happen... im not prepared for any types of such happenings...
i admit myself la... im not a good lover, from my past experience i conclude that ma...
so im owez not confidence wif love and bgr... duno y.... suey me... sian...
but, i hope something can really signal me on wat to do man...

Haix... What The Hell

2005-01-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was boss's bday chalet... i thot it would be the usual drinking n eating tok cock boring thingy... but it turned out different...
capt Yan went to hire a tranversite to do some erotic dance on boss... i thot, wow it would be hilarious to watch such stupid thing... the gay was sporting too... guess the pay was good ya?
but went her/his spagetti shirt start dropping off abit... her/his body parts start coming to light... i find it quite disgusting and humiliating provided we got so many young gals wif us at that time... not to mention the aunties too...
it would be fun if it nvr went so far... but... i duno... i walked out hafway... cuz i tink of undecent things... it was weird...

Fever fever...

2004-12-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

haix... sick n bedridden for 4 days since christmas... so sad, missed my fight on sunday... missed 2 days of classes... tml is my bday... hope everyting can turn out better for me... at least get better wif my health... so sick... so weak... wasted... cant fight on sunday even tho i trained so hard... blame it oni on myself... haix... but nvm, i gotta get over it... cuz coach told me that at the end of the january, got a selection competition to choose people for the asian youth fight... haha... excites me all over again... hope to get well soon n den train even harder for the nxt fight...

The Fight

2004-12-24T12:11:00.000+08:00

This Sunday i will be fighting in the friendly match for Xan da...
i can't compete with the msian team cuz the national team ppl is fighting.
so in the end im going to fight wif a local... but the thing is im actually fighting in the open category. tt means i might even meet a 30 year old uncle..
hahaha... to be truthful, im not quite prepared. yday i went to party til dawn now im feeling so sick... me head is so heavy now... but i guess later after the countdown, i will get home earlier... mayb around 3pm i tink... den i can sleep through X'mas. That's the only plan i can think of... so that on sunday my performance wont be affected too much den the original plan which is to stay up all the way til X'mas dawn.
this coming sunday i hope i can perform well... im not very exposed to the martial arts world, now im suddenly fighting a open category... sounds weird... halo? im oni 16+ bday oni got 4 more days... lol... im so sleepy now... yawnz... no appetite to eat anything... my throat is full of phlegm. feel like cutting up my throat and get all the sticky thing out. feels bad with them up in the throat....
my vision is turning so blur... sleeping away soon.... i cant c wat i am typing now... hope i didnt err in the typo... yawnz...
sayonara...

Musical Day, Lonely Day too...

2004-12-03T13:19:00.000+08:00

Yday, i went to Jay num 1's house. he taught me quite some stuffs man. he taught me guitars and piano... haha... i had a hard time trying to get the notes and keys right man... and the guitar strings was painful.
but afterall, we had really a great time crapping all along. he play An Jing on the piano n i sang... in the end we came up wif weird lyrics to describe mdm tey n chinese new year... hahaha... so funny.
Then in the evening, i went to training. i was expecting some people to come. in the end, guess wat, i was all alone at the charity home and god damn it was quite scary. it was drizzling and i can feel wind blowing behind me, the fallen leaves giggling behind at the yard. lol... but i still managed to finish the training on my own, because i cut short the rest time. hahaha...
hope wen school reopens i can have time to meet up wif Jay Num 1 again...

Soon~ Soon

2004-11-30T11:44:00.000+08:00

Short term,
Soon,
i will be going to Rivervale to teach wushu liao... so sian now... still got 2 hours yet to go... but after teaching nid to chiong back home n den to Sims ave again... shag man...
Mid Term,
Soon,
i will be going for the briefing and training for the duno wat student mentor on the Wed... means i cannot go for the outing wif my 04 dudes... sian... but bo bian la... lol... cuz i tink the mentoring might sound abit fun to me tho.... 2 weeks leh... i duno wat izzit like to be a mentor sia
Long Term,
Soon,
i will get married by 19 years old... tts wat mr chua said... lolx... he help me shuan ming.... duno whether zhun anot... 19? so early sia...

Oh Yeah

2004-11-24T11:08:00.000+08:00

long long time nvr blog le... quite busy recently... training n so those stuffs man. i juz love training
anyway, great news n bad news are here.
the good - 12th of Dec, there is a friendly match. oh yesh! im juz so happi abt it, so excited. i can finally get back into the ring again. haha... gonna prove myself again. Jayson is back!
the bad - my right leg is injured... and i hope it can get well b4 my match. if not, i will lose my main weapon. im also quite nervous actually... heehee...
gotta get all the distraction away from my head. im gonna concentrate hard on the fight. 3 weeks from now~!

Sian...

2004-11-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

i lost 50 bucks... i duno how i lost it... i juz lost it... im so sad... there goes my 50 bucks.... my new bag oso gone... haix...
work so hard in the end i lost it all... feel like crying now sia... haix....

The Kingfisher~

2004-10-27T11:27:00.000+08:00

haha... for the past 2 days, i had been at the Aloha Loyang wif my poly class... haha... altho quite alot of ppl was not there... but, the atmosphere was still quite fun... the food was nice, from dinner to supper to breakfast. lolx... the chalet we muz thank wen qing bf, wei liang. lol... our brother in law... wahahaha... it was so fun wen we eat together, play together, sleep together. lol... it was also very touching wen we presented the apology card to wei jian. he rox man~ lol...
so, R&R is hoping for a pinic at sentosa soon... let me plan~ lolx...

Siao...

2004-10-23T10:09:00.000+08:00

yawnz... now is oni 10am n i had already woke up. juz now coach called me, to ask mi when i will be back for the training. after tt i cud not get back to slp tts y im writing tis now.
lastnite, i did something very erm... helpful? kinda stupid... no, shld be, quite stupid... no la, actually very stupid. yday when the dinner was over, a group of guests, including the host, was trying to get a cab to get back, but it was raining, they cud not go outside to get the cabs, and the phonelines for the taxis were all busy according to the receptions.
in the end, wat i did was, ran out of the club, into the rain, out to the mainroad to usher 3 cabs into the club to pick the guests. all was done n i was all wet. haha... my colleagues say im stupid, captain say good services... lolx... i say im stupidly hardworking... lolx

Restless me...

2004-10-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

last night, i reached home at abt 12.40am. i got myself washed up at went to bed. who noes, i cud not get to sleep, the moment i closed my eyes, alot of things come to my mind. i really feel so restless man... in the end, i thot of drinking, so i got up n sneak into the living room to find where the liqour is.so, i poured myself some irish cream. well, it taste weird to me tho, n the taste was very strong...should had mixed wif something else ya... but the effect was there, i managed to fall aslp the moment i lay down n closed my eyes after finishing the liqour. haix... sad mi, have to resort to drinking in order to fall aslp... omg... i tink today i better work OT so tt i can tired myself out n fall aslp tonight easier... dun wanna drink irish cream anymore, i prefer brandy n whisky anyway... wahahaha...

WWW~

2004-10-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

now is 9.44pm liao... so sian... tml working again... lol.... anyway, yday went to wild wild wet sia... together wif CL, STM, SYM, ber, hao, jacky, heyou. the funky card thingy very troublesome sia.... muz go here n there to get the things done b4 we can go in... sian...
in the end wen we were inside, we went for the slides. the que so long sia... so boring, muz wait for so long in the end slide down not even 30secs... lolx... somemore the slide not fun de, so slow... will get stuck de... haha... in the end we went for the children pool sia, in fact, the children pool more fun, got the Yakults thingy, got water guns, got slides, got children, got ang mos... lolx... got KFC uncle... lolx
i rather play at the children pool... all the slides not fun enuff, oni the big float one is better, at least can scream alittle... haha... the skyrider oso abit lame, go one round nia, but the turning part abit scary la, i scared fall down, den sure die... lol...
after the playing, we went for the bathroom for washing, whu noes, jacky nearly went into the wrong toilet, the gals were staring at him... so funny sia... lolx...
aiya, WWW, bo hua la, so ex yet not fun enuff... i tink jurong better, cheap but the thing there is more solid... more fast, more fun, more shiok

Mahjong Fever...

2004-10-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

wah... now is almost 8pm le... i still very tired... yday, me, cheeleong, cong and stm played mahjong overnight at congz house... after the 1st round we went to changi village for supper... haha...
very qiao, we saw hao's father there driving taxi. ai seh... after tt we went back for the 2nd n the 3rd round... very tiring sia... long time nvr liddat chiong liao. cannot tahan, when i reach home i died on the bed immediately.... wah lao... hafway oni, 2.30pm serene call mi n ask mi to find ppl to work sia.. i feel like shouting~ wahahaha... in the end i lan lan find for her loh... wah laoz... disturb sleep makes a person temper shorten... haix... now i very tired... tink i will sleep at 11pm without delay today..

Work Stress...

2004-10-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

wah... after so long i finally went back to work at RTC... 1st day back the most xiong is the chairs moving, 2nd day, still the chairs moving... i hate chairs... hahaha... not back, i oni forgot abit of the things i noe for banquet, juz tt the power to tong no more liao... abit oni i very tired le... like today loh... very tired... last nite chee leong sms me at 3.17am to ask me how if he wanna join muaythai... i was so shocked... after replying him i became very disappointed... becuz i realised i oni have 2 more hours to sleep... ke lian... hahaha... tts y today is so tired...
today afternoon is lunch for the AGLOW international.... total is 15 tables... majority 95% are ladies... they tok n sing abt God n Jesus, so i supposed they r christian... but i find their characters very hyprocrite... they r stingy, greedy, brainless, selfish, self consious bunch of old women... haix... hard to serve them sia... so many stupid requests... anyway it's over la... lucky i clever, noe how to handle them... keke...

Why~

2004-10-12T11:04:00.000+08:00

yday nite, we were in msn toking... until hao came n inform us of ah huang's dad passed away...
omg... he told us is becuz of heart problems... haix... i really pity on ah huang... he had lost his dad... haix... why, why muz they be so many illness around... i hate it wen i see ppl fade n die away of illness... it's a heartaching thing... especially when parents are the target... haix...
today evening we will be attending his funeral wake... hope we can at least make ah huang cheer up abit ba... think it is really hard on him... such r unpredictable events...

Yawn Away

2004-10-11T13:17:00.000+08:00

last night i had a very good sleep. the weather was cool, my body was so relaxed. tis morning i woke up at 11.30. sho tired. my limbs r all cramping up. muscle fatigue. during my late breakfast, i rmb someting... something abt yday night.
yday night, i told deborah im oso quite a 2 headed person to her. but i didnt have a chance to explain to her why becuz my bro was pestering me for the computer. so in the end i supposed i went to slp sadly. she is sad, i think, but i was sad too.
in front of the others, im quite harsh in speaking of deborah. like, i wont say anything good abt her in front of the others, 1stly, becuz i learned my lesson from tt teasing of my classmates abt mi n deborah. i noe im damn childish. but, i duno why i do things liddat oso. but actually, sincerity i do care n treat deborah as a good frend wat, tts y i told her the truth yday, i wanna her to noe my mistake n hope for forgiveness. isnt tt wat washington did?
i dun wanna be 2 head oso, tts y i admit. i oso duno y i 2 head. im too shy to say, "deborah's actually not as bad as wat u all tink" in front of the others. wait i kena. tts y tts y!
haiyo... humans r so hard to handle... i dun wanna hurt ppl in the end i hurt ppl more. tis goes to show, dun be a liar. hope i wont repeat my mistake la... sobx sobx

Holiday Twinkle~

2004-10-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

today is the final paper of tis sem liao... after the exam so song... i went to play bball... even though i was feelings damn unwell last nite but i still went to play liao... after the game, i went home... duno y, i feel so weak, so sick... i damn feel like dying liao... cannot tahan... haix... at least now i feeling better ba...
wen i tink of holidays, i am excited, i am oso sian... i wanna buy mp3, after i earn enuff money... wahaha... i wanna live a life wif more music around, so this mp3 player is a must to me...holiday will be fun, so long, 7weeks... if i can train everyday i would be so lucky... wahaha.... but i cant...
let's hope i dun nid to take any sup paper for my exam ba... if not i will be very sian... troublesome, muz study somemore... wah piang... pray hard~ i wont fail any~
nose blocked, heart pain, breathing is difficult, gastric is painful, knee cap is breaking... y am i awarded wif so many problems?

2004-10-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

Now then i know i got such group photo with 3Peace... wahaha

Yawning...

2004-10-06T11:29:00.000+08:00

*haix*
woke up at 10am tis morning... i thot i cud have some snacks n a cup of coffee for breakfast... in the end i realise the table was empty... my heart dropped....
i knew, breakfast was not bought for me...
nvm, i went ahead wif the washing, got my teeth cleaned n start my qi gong practice.
got over wif the practise, i went straight for my computer, i wanna finish my bloggy...
but my stomach damn empty... cannot tahan...
11am, i went to cook my lunch, as usual the healthy food, brown rice... it is going to take mi an hour to finish the cooking, but... im damn hungry...
why my mum nvr buy for me leh~ wat the hell is she doing man... lunch i eat at home, dinner sure eat outside de... no choice...
later going to school to study hap wif deborah n ezra... im sure i gonna fall asleep hafway...
12noon, my porridge cooked, CHAO DA! now den i realised tt i have more potatoes den rice... oh great... haha... nvm, i like potatoes... but the water all spilled onto my stove, in the end i have to clean... juz great... coffee made, rice cooked... i gonna have my lunch soon... after lunch go sch liao... yawnz...

Dreaming...

2004-10-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

yawnz... tml start exam liao... CkT leh... duno y, last time sec sch i can dun study n play even during exams... O lvl still can go play pool n basketball... stay cool all the way de leh... now oni 1st sem of poly, duno y, im kinda stressed out already... liao la... im losing it man... im not nervous, rather, i worried... im worried becuz tis is the 1st exam in poly n i had nvr come across the subjects so im worried i might flank them... even b4 exams, im already tinking n planning abt things after the exams... how can i not be worried... aiyo... i hope time can past faster for tis 2 months... so tt i can train during nov... i wanna go training... got new training place liao... how i wish i can go there soon... if can, i hope coach can allow extra training down there, den i can go there everyday somemore... so hapi... hope so ba... i heard there r 2 monks living there, i wonder if ever i can learn anything from them anot... hmm...if i can train well in nov, i have confident i will fight good in the match... heehee... Joy to the world~ Lil'Jay is here~ lalalalala....

Resident Evil~ Ahhh!~

2004-10-01T10:34:00.000+08:00

keke... yday i go study in sch wif the gals n ezra... study hafway saw deborah... lolx.... ezra kena stuck wen we trying to leave... wahaha... song bo ezra~
after study leh, we went to CS to watch Resident Evil leh... truthfully speaking... LIMPEI TIO HUNG AR!!!!! i was shocked n frightened by the movie... not tt scary la... juz thrilling... cuz i didnt have any nightmares~ lucky mi... so fun so fun... watch the movie hafway WK keep scoldin mi... =( lolx!! huijin got one time turn to mi n say " i wanna go home!" wahaha... in the end i was laffing to myself.. lolx... so fun yday... we study week maciam holiday liao~ lolx...

2004-09-30T09:49:00.000+08:00

Yo Jay Gay!

Cold Blooded...

2004-09-30T09:22:00.000+08:00

yday jia seng was online... he wanted to talk to me... i replied... but in a cold manner... i know he is regretting wat he did, but, duno y, i cant bring myself to forgive him... mayb becuz im too hurt... now, wenever i c him, it angers me... he admitted his faults, but i dun expect tt, in fact, i have lost hope in him already...
actually i dun noe wat anger mi most... all i noe is, he is a ingrates... helped him so much in the end i got a negative feedback, before that, he was still boasting so much abt us brothers for 9 years... big deal...
to say the truth, i owez disliked his ways of doing things... but as a frend, i can oni compromise wif it... i tried to accept the way he is n help him wenever i can... even wen im down, there r oni a few times i looked for him... most of the time, i dun look up to him... hahaha... frends for 9 years, mayb we might juz stop here... mayb...
i find myself very ruthless tis time round... feeling nothing for him, i cant be bothered abt how he will feel by my reactions... i cant bothered anymore... wen i bother so much abt other ppl, since wen ppl bothers abt mi...

2004-09-29T15:00:00.000+08:00

Me n Siao Eh

Lantern Festival

2004-09-29T13:52:00.000+08:00

yday nite was a fun one... i meet up wif Siao eh, Chee Kui, Kwang Wei, Justin, Dicky and Hui Ying... we all played fire crackers at Sun Plaza park... so fun, mi n siao eh got a great time teasing HuiYing... lolx... juz like last time in class....
we took some pics... i look like a saint inside.... lolx! hahaha so fun...
duno y 3Peace nvr jio anything yday... haiyo...

Sadness Wonders...

2004-09-29T13:45:00.000+08:00

in my life, things r owez going the wrong way from wat i wan...
Love, i fallen in love twice, but twice made mi fall... a hard fall... broken my heart n nvr to recover again... i dun ask much, i juz nid someone i like to care for me tts all... truthfully speaking, im a attention seeking lover... i tink so? but now, i have no hope in love... i rather be wif me n myself...
Passion, my oni passion in life is muaythai, i like to fight, but no violence wise. i hate violence n hurting ppl n tt is something many ppl dun understand.... i treat muaythai as an art in fighting... i trained hard but not hard enuff... 1st time i went for tournament i lost n got a 3rd... well i hope for a better results nxt year...
Life, other den the above 2 thingy, i have a simple life, a student in TP n a frend of many jokers... i had 3PeaceJ, my gang of buddies... i had a new n funky class, I404... n i have a few more bunch of frends... but duno y, i owez alone....